Outrageously Obvious News

  Photo Credit: Pexels by Bone Jawnson In a stunning turn of events, the Pennsylvania Board of Moms has officially approved the use of “Rylyn” as a child’s name, while voting down “Queyleigh.” The decision came after a month-long heated debate that raged through September as children returned to school and parents, once again, roamed local Facebook groups unsupervised. The name was originally proposed as “Rylin,” but critics claimed it leaned too gender-specific. The Board swiftly reconvened to ensure district covens were supplied with a name as gender-neutral as possible. Opposition did arise, however, from local conservatives lobbying for the more “traditional” option, “Breydan.” Area class-C minivan driver Rebecca Faye—known to her MLM downline as Bexx —voiced her dissent: “I should be able to have name choice. That’s a fact I learned from YouTube.” At press time, we had reached out to the Board of Moms leader for comment but were somehow talked into purchasing a starter kit of ...

HATFIELD, PA – October 2025 – Poppy’s Tavern, a flagship Hatfield, PA destination, is proud to announce the return of one of its most sought-after fall menu items: the “Crick Foot Long Dog.” This seasonal belly-busting favorite pays homage to the local cryptid legend Crick Foot and his rumored appetite for “succulent tubular meats.” The lore of this mysterious creature was documented by local filmmaker and bespoke hot dog advocate Bone Jawnson in his 2024 cult-favorite documentary, "The Legend of Crick Foot" , which is available to stream for free [ here ]. The Crick Foot Long Dog is a supersized hot dog topped with Poppy’s famous homemade chili, cheddar cheese, crispy bacon, and jalapeño peppers —a true Hatfield original that blends comfort food with cryptid folklore. “We love keeping local tradition alive while serving up something unforgettable,” said a representative from Poppy’s Tavern. “The Crick Foot Long Dog isn’t just food—it’s a piece of Hatfield culture.” Join the ...

  Photo credit: Pexels by Bone Jawnson LANSDALE, PA > Local town crier and amateur sidewalk runner Nicky Romano was overheard last Wednesday night cursing the inventor of doorknob mechanisms. Nicky—well-known for his powerful personal affirmations—was attempting to swap out a broken doorknob with a new one. After returning home from the hardware store, he was aghast at the unnecessarily complicated nature of the mechanism. "I wish I could bring back to life the inventor of this infernal thing and bop them over the head with a bocce ball," he declared. Despite his track record of questionable swap attempts, Nicky was convinced this one would be different—that the doorknob would slide in with no problem. Instead, the problems sprang up like a tent pitched by an eager Don Juan. At press time, Nicky was spotted on 5th Street, sweatband firmly in place, pausing mid-stride to snap a triumphant selfie.