Local Man Threatens Doorknob Mechanism He's Trying To Install

 

Photo credit: Pexels

by Bone Jawnson

LANSDALE, PA > Local town crier and amateur sidewalk runner Nicky Romano was overheard last Wednesday night cursing the inventor of doorknob mechanisms.

Nicky—well-known for his powerful personal affirmations—was attempting to swap out a broken doorknob with a new one. After returning home from the hardware store, he was aghast at the unnecessarily complicated nature of the mechanism.

"I wish I could bring back to life the inventor of this infernal thing and bop them over the head with a bocce ball," he declared.

Despite his track record of questionable swap attempts, Nicky was convinced this one would be different—that the doorknob would slide in with no problem. Instead, the problems sprang up like a tent pitched by an eager Don Juan.

At press time, Nicky was spotted on 5th Street, sweatband firmly in place, pausing mid-stride to snap a triumphant selfie.

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