Local Drawer Knob Out to Destroy Local Man’s Pocket

 Photo from Pexels

By Bone Jawnson

HATFIELD, PA> In a stunning turn of events, a locally made bespoke drawer knob had finally had enough of its owner’s persistent habit of shoving spatulas into its storage compartment and getting them stuck. Tired of being yanked on and manhandled, the drawer knob plotted revenge just as its owner, Dave, and his wife were in the middle of an argument about where to store a recently purchased case of water from the local grocery store. In a fit of suburban, husbandy indignation, Dave whipped around mid-rebuttal. At that moment, the drawer knob latched onto Dave’s pocket, clung tight, and ripped the seam clean off. "You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me," Dave exclaimed. 

At press time, Dave was searching “how to sew” on YouTube while his wife looked on.

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